Truly Prepared to Die

Preparing to Die
Atheist Paul Quarrington put time into thinking about his impending death, but he died not knowing where he’d land.
by Royal Hamel

Some folks think that only religious people are concerned about being ready to die, but that’s not the case. Perhaps nowhere is this more eloquently expressed than by the former, self-professed atheist, Paul Quarrington, who died January 21, 2010 at the age of 56.

It’s hard not to admire this man who so thoroughly enjoyed life.

I first encountered Quarrington in a moving article in Maclean’s magazine, written by his long-time friend, Dan Hill.

Though diagnosed with stage four lung cancer and given less than a year to live, Quarrington lived ardently to the last. Remarkably, right to the very end, like the true artist he was, he creatively wrote songs and books, ate and drank with gusto, fished and played, and traveled to see beautiful places. It’s hard not to admire this man who so thoroughly enjoyed life, and who delighted in giving back more than he took out. This well-loved performer, author, and playwright obviously put time into thinking about crossing over the divide of death. And, about ten days before passing, he expressed those thoughts in a song he performed with his friend, Dan Hill, entitled, “Am I ready”?

The first stanza offers these words: “Trying to hold it off, still I know/ It’s like trying to hold back that old freight train/ Coming down on me, still I’m not afraid/ Got this feeling that I can’t explain/ Like I’m falling through the evening rain? Wash me clean, before I make my stand/ Are you ready, am I ready/ I believe I am.”

Quarrington made no claim to be a Christian. How very fascinating that he should choose to use the language of “washing”—because for Christians there is absolutely nothing more crucial than having their souls washed by Christ prior to their meeting God the Father. But, I doubt he had that in mind here.

In his second stanza, Quarrington sings: “…No one can tell me where I’m gonna be, as I sail into this mystery/ I know I’m falling, don’t know where I’m gonna land/ Are you ready, am I ready/ I believe I am.”

In sharp contrast, Christians confidently confess that, yes, we know where we’re going, where we’re going to land. Oddly enough though this song is all about being ready for death, it’s author confesses he’s actually not prepared—for he has no clue where, “he’s gonna land.”

When Quarrington asks, “…am I ready, I believe I am,” it seems to me by the context that he’s actually saying, “I think I am.” In other words there was no certainty. I suspect a huge number of people think like this. My impression is that Quarrington was doing the best he could given the content—or lack of—of his atheistic worldview.

By contrast Christians believe we can be thoroughly ready to ford death’s dark river, indeed that there is such a thing as full assurance, even now in this life. To be sure this is more of a historic Protestant/Evangelical belief than a Catholic one. That said, it’s a widely held Christian view.

No doubt some may view this notion of complete assurance as triumphalistic, or perhaps even arrogant. But Christians understand they are made right with God not on the basis of how much good they have done, or how much evil they have shunned. They are made right by receiving the benefit of Jesus dying on the cross to make cleansing for our sins. In short, by putting faith in Jesus and the meaning of his death, Christians are washed clean, made acceptable to the Father, and are made ready to meet Him without fear. No, this doesn’t mean that good deeds, and virtuous living are unimportant, only that they are not the basis of our ultimate acceptance with God.

Quarrington was a remarkable talent in many ways. And we are poorer for his death. But in the end I’m not sure that the lyrics in his affecting piece give anyone much to hold onto as we all look ahead to our own death. The song seems tentative, uncertain, carries a mixed message, and gives no clue as to where Quarrington himself thought he would land.

A few years ago I spent some hours in hospital at the bedside of a young man who also was dying of lung cancer. At first he was not sure at all where he was “going to land.” But upon embracing the Jesus way, he was brought to remarkable readiness and peace for that dark journey that all of us shall one day face.

Royal Hamel is a former pastor and missionary. At present he is the director of Light the Darkness Ministries,www.lightthedarkness.org. He can be reached at watchman2003@sympatico.ca.

Originally published in the Guelph Mercury, June 25, 2010

New Tool For Evangelism

I recently bought the evangelism tool called H2O. It's a DVD series similar in form to Alpha and Christianity Explored, but way, way more contemporary. It makes extended use of story telling and parable in its presentation and I think is much, much more likely to elicit discussion from those in attendance. I can't give it a total ten in terms of rating for I have not had a chance yet to use it with a group. But, it looks very promising and is certainly worth checking out. Best price I have seen is to order it directly from Amazon.com

Some might think that session two is a little too gutsy and sharp-edged. And personally I think that session ten goes over the top with a sometimes over-critical portrayal of present day church practice. But, don't be turned away, the series has been extensively used by a pastor friend of mine in his community groups with much success.

Final Words from Argentina

Today is our fifth day in Buenos Aires and it has been for Linda and I, fantastico. When we left 22 years ago there was in a sense no opportunity to experience closure for either of us. And in a very deep manner that is what God has given to us in these last five days. We hope and expect that we shall one day return, but a great gift has been given to us that has affected us profoundly and we are deeply grateful to God.
Tomorrow I will be sharing a devotional with a group of Argentine pastors with my 22 year old spanish. Those of you who pray who are reading this, please do remember me that my words will be blessing and encouragement to them.
Tomorrow will be our last day here as we fly out in the evening for Miami and then on to Toronto. Carlos and Anna Maria Darino, dear friends who were a key part of the church over 20 years ago have planned for us a final time of celebration at their home in the afternoon, and then they will take us to the airport.
I will not have time or opportunity to blog tomorrow on this, so this is probably my last commentary written directly from beautiful Buenos Aires. Hasta luego...Royal for the family

Argentina; Astonishing Lessons from the Past

We've been here now for four days and have met numerous people whom we worked with, ate with, laughed with, and knew deeply. Seeing them now after these twenty and more years I've heard many of them tell me about seemingly small things that I did or said that made a profound impression on their lives. What captures my attention is that I was only going about my work and seeking to be faithful and had absolutely no idea that these things were actually so significant in the lives of these people.
It is a wonderful lesson for me, for it is a reminder that perhaps more often than not we simply do not know what impact we are having on the lives of other people. In fact I dare say that perhaps even most of the time we have no idea if our daily lives are significant for the cause of the kingdom or not. I have learned that through the faithful carrying out of that which seems insignificant that God is building an invisible kingdom through us...and to be sure we may never know until we stand before Him whether our actions and our faithfulness were of any account, but by faith now we can and must believe him that every cup of cold water given to the thirsty, that food given to the hungry, encouragement given to the desperate, direction given to the wandering, the gospel given to the seeking one...that all these things count for the good of people in this life and they will count for us when we stand before the judge who sees all and forgets nothing.
Royal for the family

Argentina: DayThree of Unlooked for Delight

The church in Ramos Mejia (a suburb of Buenos Aires) celebrated its 25th anniversary on Sunday night. I was glad to be there and to be able to share a little bit of how the work began so many years ago. Even at this distance I remember the seeming impossibility of the task that had been given of planting a new church. Linda and I were new to Argentina, our Spanish was barely understandable, we hardly knew anything about the culture--and here we were in a city of 13 million people seeking to establish a new church where the good news of Christ would be spoken and taught. We didn't have a lot of sophisticated strategy, but as I look back after all these years, and other people have confirmed it, we did have and still do have a very strong love for the Argentine people. It wasn't something that we put on...it was just there and we lived it and expressed it on all occasions. The other thing that is of great significance is that we prayed. We prayed personally and we encouraged and taught the church the importance of seeking after God for guidance and power to do the work that he had called us to do. In the end it is God who establishes churches and builds his church, and I believe he wanted another work for the fame of his name to be established in Ramos Mejia.
The church now has an attractive building and all the trappings that go with an established work. But I couldn't help but think as I sat in the celebration that in the end the outer trappings are of such minor importance. For the church is a people of God who have been reconciled to God, a people who live in the power of the Spirit and under the guidance of the spirit. They are a special, called out people who truly love and support one another to such a degree that a watching world is amazed.
Linda and I have been stunned at how profoundly this experience of returning to Argentina has touched our lives. The worries and anxieties that we had at first have not come to pass even in the slightest degree...the old relationships have been renewed and reestablished and it has been blessing, after blessing for us both. We see so clearly that even though we thought we were chiefly coming back to Argentina to attend a celebration that God in fact had so much more in mind. It has been immensely satisfying...words truly do fail. And even Andrew is beginning to relax and seems to be enjoying himself immensely. More tomorrow...Royal for the family in beautiful Buenos Aires

Enjoying some of the Best Food in the World

Yesterday we had supper (delicious Argentine pizza) with our worship leader of 22 years ago, a man who hails from Chile originally. Two other very dear friends who were part of our church plant were also with us. To be physically present with these friends who were in intense spiritual battle years ago with us-- and to see, hear, and physically touch them in warm greeting all in the context of the beautiful Spanish language was like a refreshing tall drink of cool water or perhaps like salve on an angry cut...almost impossible to put into words, but truly a healing ministry to our souls.

I went to Church this morning and heard a very good message on the importance of faith in the life of Elijah. It was well done and a blessing to me. I'm amazed at how quickly Linda and I are recapturing our ability to understand virtually everything spoken so that we are even now comfortable in any of the situations we find ourselves.
This afternoon a couple of our old missionary friends took us out to an Argentine restaurant which specializes in Argentine beef. Did I say mouth-watering, delectable, tender, palate- caressing, grass fed beef? I had forgotten how good food is here. The Argentine food culture is actually very comparable to European since there are so many Italians, Spanish, and also a powerful French influence. So you get fresh food all the time with an eye to careful preparation and presentation. Of course the Argentine beef is in a class all by itself and is famous all around the world.
We are seeing a pattern of some deep stress among our missionary friends. It's totally understandable as this field is being closed by the denomination and people who have done missionary work here for 20-30 years are being told that their career here will be over in just a couple of years more. Do pray for them and for us as we seek to be useful and a blessing in their lives at this time. More tomorrow, it's 12;30 am here and I'm muy tired. Royal for the family.

Arrival in Beautiful Argentina

This morning at 5:am our time our Boeing 767 taxied to a stop in Argentina.

The trip started being a blessing while our friend and brother Eugene Clarke was driving us to the airport. For some reason we got onto the subject of worry and he was sharing how he simply refused to do that, that it wasn't part of who he was. Later after we said goodbye I reflected that while I was filled with excitement and anticipation at the prospect of seeing old friends and precious saints after a 20 year lapse, nevertheless I had some inner knawing worries. Before God, and by his power I decided to cast them aside and simply look forward to his blessing. From that point peace invaded my heart.

Our son Andrew had been super excited about the trip, non-stop for two weeks. Finally the moment of take off arrived and you should have seen his joy as the jet revved up the engines and tore down the runway like mad, His face glowed with satisfaction. All went well with our stopover in Miami except for a faux pas made by Royal. We had to walk a zillion miles to our next gate for the non-stop flight to Argentina. And we had enough luggage that we needed to rent a little cart. I found a long line of them and began looking for money in my wallet. I was not hopeful, for it needed a five dollar bill and I didn't think I had anything that small. To my delight the first bill I put my hand on was a fiver so I stuck it in the machine and got my four quarters back for the rental was only $5.00. We quickly loaded up and began our marathon walk, moving slowly for Andrew doesn't do fast very well. About five minutes later my mind recoiled with horror as I was reflecting on my good luck at finding this five dollar bill. I realized with much pain that I had just rented my little cart by putting a fifty dollar bill in the machine and getting back four quarter in change. There was no hope of getting my money back and we had a plane to catch. Linda was very kind to me and said something like, "Honey these things happen, you have to let it go, I've made mistakes too". So on we went to catch a plane pushing a very expensive rental cart to our next gate.

By the time of our next flight at 9pm that evening Andrew was tired and edgy. Once we got into the air for the eight hour flight he kept seeing lighting flashes (actually a blinking light on the wing), and he became quite scared. We were able to calm him with some of his medicine for stress, and finally all of us were able to get some sleep before landing.

Dear friends, whom we had not seen for over twenty years met us at the airport and our reunion was sweet and overwhelmingly powerful. Dan and Melody Taube, missionaries to Argentina for the last twenty-two years ,were there, and Rodolfo and Graciela (Andrew's godparents) were there to welcome us back. We had our first visit with these very special people over an argentine breakfast of European type pastries made with real butter which were just as scrumptious as I had remembered. Despite the fact that our Spanish fluency is greatly diminished we were still able to have a blessed time. And perhaps the key worry that Linda and I had about returning turned out to be misplaced--it has only been blessing thus far both for us and for our friends.

That's all the time I have now, will be back blogging tomorrow. God is faithful...all the time. Blessed be his Name. Royal for the family